Sweetest Vibrations
by HolliGenet
Summary: NEW: 04-17-04 After going though so much together, Tsuzuki and Hisoka must find new meaning for their afterlife existence, and come to terms with whether their relationship is truly more than partners and friends.
1. Chapter One: Paralyzed Emotions

COMMENTARY  
  
Holli: Please be gentle! I haven't written fanfiction in a good 2 to 3 years...and what I wrote then was horrible. This is also my first YnM fic! But, please review! I'm sorry it's all angsty and imagery so far, but this is just one chapter of a fic I'm writing, so it's all building up! I just wanted to address Tsuzuki and Hisoka's relationship after the Kyoto arc extensively...which in all realistic senses, would have to be, because of the characters' multiple issues. This fic is kinda anime based, but I'll have several throw backs to the manga.  
  
This chapter is very PG, but I rated it for it's eventually need for an increased rating, which will at least be R...and hopefully if I'm talented enough, NC-17 later. ^_^ I finished writing this first chapter at 3 in the morning, so commentary from BuddhaFrog and MorningStar (if any) will come later! Happy readings!  
  
SWEETEST VIBRATIONS  
  
(Subtitle: Yes, I do have a fanart by the same title, which more or less can be associated with this fic. It's up to your discretion! Maybe it will have to do with the fic later! I don't know! I couldn't think of a better title!)  
  
Chapter One: Paralyzed Emotions  
  
Written by Holli. Editing by MorningStar and BuddhaFrog  
  
(WARNINGS: Angst. A WHOLE FREAKIN' HEAP OF ANGST! PG for now, but not forever; Tsuzuki x Hisoka)  
  
A slight movement shifted the covers, and the only thing visible of the person underneath it were a few sprigs of ash blond hair sticking out, illuminated by the small shaft of morning sunlight coming in. Slowly a hand emerged and moved the covers down, to reveal the rest of the ash blond hair. It was extreme early morning, but Hisoka was very much awake.  
  
Hisoka rolled from his stomach to his back, and let his head sink into his pillow. With a sigh of resignation, he stiffly laid his arms next to his sides on top of the striped comforter. With half lidded eyes, he watched the only movement in the room, the small dust motes that showed up in the rays of sun. It was a calm morning, and happily a day off for him, since it was a Saturday. Hisoka debated if he wanted to stay where he was or actually get something to eat, much to his distaste. Since he couldn't decide, he just stayed where he was. No decision gave him his answer.  
  
It had been three months since Kyoto. A small frown crossed Hisoka's face at the memory, and the slightest scowl crinkled the bridge of his nose. If anyone had seen him, they would have thought he was in a cute pout, but his current thoughts were hardly superficial. The incident had brought him and Tsuzuki closer together, but had also alienated them.  
  
In the aftermath for the next few weeks of their recovery, Hisoka had stayed close to Tsuzuki, but never too close . . . basically the same room, but only at arm's length to him. Back then, Hisoka realized he had subconsciously done this because his emotions were on the fritz and he felt a need to protect himself . . . but he still needed to be able to see if Tsuzuki was okay. . . he just needed to watch over his. For whatever reason, Tsuzuki seemed to understand this and smiled softly at Hisoka whenever he saw him nearby, with happily closed eyes.  
  
But Hisoka would still keep his distance. It wasn't because he was being cold to Tsuzuki . . . or he was scared of him . . . or scared of anything to do with him. . . okay, maybe he was scared a little bit of unexplored closeness, but he just didn't know what to think about his literal confession for his need for Tsuzuki. This need and dependency on Tsuzuki disturbed Hisoka; ever since his parents had shunned him, he had been cold and apart to protect himself. Never had he needed the warmth of another's touch or to at least hear their voice in the next room to make sure they were still there. But he needed that with Tsuzuki . . . and what kind of relationship did that underline?  
  
Oriya had told him that he couldn't win if it was just for revenge. He needed a higher purpose, and his want to save and protect Tsuzuki had come rushing to the surface. Shinigami had to have a want and desire, often selfish in nature, to remain attached to earth. It used to be that Hisoka had stayed to be able to someday face Muraki and prove he had beaten him at the mind games and curse . . . and become stronger than him. But . . .  
  
Hisoka's little frowning wrinkled up his nose just a bit more. In a way, he had started to defeat Muraki three months ago. Muraki for once had failed at his plans and had been unable to take Tsuzuki away from him. That was a start for Hisoka's goal. But still . . .  
  
Admittedly, in the beginning of his partnership with Tsuzuki, he had stayed for revenge against Muraki only. . . but even then, the smallest little breath of feeling. . . of attachment had wanted him to stay with Tsuzuki.to be near this warm person who cared for everyone unconditionally. . . even him.  
  
When did he start to care so deeply for Tsuzuki . . . to worry so much about him? Why did he need him to exist just for him? Had it truly been selfish of him . . . to need him so desperately? Did he do it for Tsuzuki who needed to be shown unconditional love like the kind he always gave? Could it be a little bit of both? Did he need Tsuzuki there just to feel like he mattered to at least one person? If that was the case, could it have been anyone . . . ?  
  
No.  
  
No.  
  
Tsuzuki.  
  
Only Tsuzuki.  
  
Hisoka felt an ache in his heart at the realization.  
  
Truly being with Tsuzuki . . . is where he belonged . . . and that feeling pulled at his heart strings.  
  
What kind of feelings did Tsuzuki have for him? How about himself . . . this odd emotion he had come to feel? Did he . . . .  
  
. . . Love?  
  
Hisoka sat up with a bolt. Just what kind of love was he thinking of? Tsuzuki had been like a combination older brother with a little bit of father in there, the figurehead of the family he now had. But . . . that constant flirting and teasing, was there anything behind that? Should he read into that at all? Tsuzuki did have strong emotions that sometimes were like a sudden slap to the face because of his empathy, and somewhere in there, he had been able to detect this soft feeling of warmth that went beyond simple caring, often accompanied by something that felt more animalistic. But, Hisoka could never figure out those emotions, because as much as Tsuzuki was loud with his emotions, there were certain ones he protected well that could hardly or never leak out.  
  
Hisoka stared at his hands, fisted in front of him, clutching at the soft blanket. With a stretch that slightly resembled a cat, Hisoka finally crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom, eager to shower. Doing so would be refreshing and could distract him from his current ponderings. Whether that was a good thing or not, Hisoka didn't know . . . but he had a feeling he should handle his current emotions at his own pace. So . . . if that meant ignoring his confusion for now, so be it. That's all he could handle. So with that decided, that was the plan for the day. After all, it was a Saturday. Shouldn't he relax? Today was a day that he could spend reading nonstop completely by himself with no interruptions. That was the best way to distract himself from thoughts of a violet-eyed man.  
  
Hisoka sat outside his house in a lawn chair on his small porch. His book lay forgotten in his lap, a page occasionally flipping over in the wrong direction for reading order. Hisoka sat slumped in the padded chair with his head leaning slightly to his left, his eyes closed in relaxation, but not sleep. He just couldn't read . . . nor could he think. He just wanted . . . to blank out for awhile.  
  
With a sigh, Hisoka straightened back up and opened his eyes to watch brightly red leaves fall from a tree just a short walk away.  
  
The leaves softly touched down to the ground with just the slightest of fluttering. Hisoka mused to himself. 'How fragile.'  
  
'Just like me.'  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	2. Chapter Two: Bittersweet Determination

COMMENTARY  
  
Holli: So . . . yeah. Hm. More angst! I'm sorry! Well, I'm happy to say that I've had three positive reviews so far (thank you!) and compliments from BuddhaFrog and MorningStar (the two are BuddhaStar on FF.net). So, let's see if I can keep going without crapping it up!  
  
Writing this second fic was interesting. I got interrupted by my older sister calling on the phone and then my younger sister calling on the phone. Then my kitty Gizmo tried to eat my ramen and yogurt, sleep on my keyboard, knock my green tea over on my keyboard, almost choke on eggshell he thought he could eat, and then finally settled for a nap on my lap. He's such a mommy's kitty! He follows me around the house all day! Could he possibly be any happier and loved . . . ? Geez. Anyway . . .  
  
But, this chapter is done now! So, bye! I'm going to start on the next chapter and/or work on a YnM doujinshi I started!  
  
BuddhaFrog: My back Fucking hurts! Holli has good ideas! And it took her long enough to write it. I really like it. And I'm talking in short clipped sentences. For no apparent reason. Other than my back FUCKING hurts! I like this fic, I like it a lot. She has a good idea, I like where she's going with it. And because she's my friend I know stuff before you people. MuHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes I am evil when I am in pain! Uhhh, yes, I think I'm going to pass out now. LOVE AND PEACE!!  
  
MorningStar: YAY for Holli!! See, I really enjoy reading her stuff, b/c she can do things with these characters that I can't. Like make an actual story!!! Heheheh, I write smut, I know I do, I accept it! Although Demon Life is coming along (Don't hurt me if your impatiently waiting for the next chapter, I promise I'll have it soon!) Anyway, Holli's stuff deals with all the emotional stuff that the characters would logically be going through, and she does a really good job with it! I can't wait to see where this story is going!!! Oh, and if anyone flames her, you'll have to deal with the wrath of SATAN!!! Constructive criticism only please, we do like to know what people think, and if you have any ideas as to how to make the story better Kay, that's about it, enjoy the brilliant works of Holli now! DAMN MURAKI!  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
SWEETEST VIBRATIONS Chapter Two: Bittersweet Determination  
  
Written by Holli. Editing by BuddhaFrog and MorningStar.  
  
(WARNINGS: Yay! More Angst! Wooh! I'm sorry! And still PG! Except for the commentary . . . ; Tsuzuki x Hisoka)  
  
Another day in the office. Hisoka closed the office door behind him with a sigh. His thoughts over his feelings and current state of being last weekend had accomplished nothing. Nothing gained, but seemingly, nothing harmed. Coming up with no resolution on such thoughts had left Hisoka in a strange place; stuck in a static situation with Tsuzuki.  
  
Hisoka looked out the window and brushed stray hair away from his eyes. For now it would just have to be that way. He did not understand his feelings, and until he did, this would have to do. Besides . . . it would be hard to act on anything without knowing what Tsuzuki thought of everything that happened too. Hisoka was sure Tsuzuki would want him to do whatever he could to make himself happy as long as it didn't lead to self-destruction. But, he didn't want to be selfish . . . he had been thinking about how Tsuzuki might be feeling too. Undoubtedly, Tsuzuki had . . . stayed 'alive' for him . . . that seemed to be the only reason why he had turned away from his second death. But, that brought him back to square one; what did their relationship really entail?  
  
Keeping things they way they were . . . he couldn't really say he was happy with the idea, but it was a safe place to be for now. Until . . . until something happens . . . whether it is something he'd do or Tsuzuki would do . . . he didn't know. How aggravating!  
  
Hisoka let out a highly exaggerated sigh. This really, really sucked. Truly, no other word could describe the situation any better. This was such a . . . constant loop of confusion.  
  
Tsuzuki was happy. Lightly, but securely clutched in his hands, held up to his chest was a warm, white bakery bag with bright red lettering, proudly proclaiming the bakery's name. If little hearts could be popping out Tsuzuki's head right now, there would have been a foot deep of them behind him as he walked down the office hallway.  
  
"This is great! I'm sure Hisoka will love this, even if he doesn't care for sweets too much."  
  
Tsuzuki's face took on a slightly more solemn tone. Hisoka. Tsuzuki's smile quickly returned even brighter than before. Nothing made him happier than being with his younger partner, no matter what mood the teen may be in. The one person he gave his all for . . . that was him.  
  
Tsuzuki stopped walking and peered out a nearby window in the hall. Warm sunlight came in, having just broken through the clouds of a recent storm, giving Tsuzuki a slight golden hue. His face once again became much more serious . . . but not necessarily sad. Hisoka. His whole reason for existing . . . . He cared for his partner so much, so much more and so differently than anyone else he knew or had ever met. When that young soul had come through those flames . . . that terrible fire of total destruction that would literally erase a soul from ever existing . . . Tsuzuki had still wanted to die . . . to no longer feel pain or cause it. But, when that same young soul crushed his body so close to his, and wouldn't let go even if he was to die too . . . to utterly confess and cry out for him to exist . . . for the sake of just him . . . his heart couldn't believe what he had heard. To be loved was beautiful. But to know that someone else needed your love more than anything else was even greater. This was not a simple love, but a love of absolute need that was a little melancholy, but so wondrous . . . so amazing . . . it hurt. A hurt that one actually cherished, that let you know you were alive for good reasons. So bittersweet.  
  
The warmth of such thoughts soon covered Tsuzuki's face, as he snuggled the bakery treats softly under his chin. Tsuzuki knew Hisoka cared about him so much . . . and he felt the same. But, what kind of relationship did they exactly have?  
  
If he only knew his partner was wondering the same thing.  
  
Tsuzuki put a mock face of determination on his face and softly padded one fist with the treats into his other hand. He smiled.  
  
'I don't know what our relationship is, but as long as I am with him and can be there for him, that's all that counts. I'll help him through anything . . . because he's everything to me.'  
  
Tsuzuki looked once more out the window, a little sad again. His past flirting may have been a bit of teasing, but there had been true emotions behind it also, that he had also denied a little to himself. He wanted to have such an intimate relationship with Hisoka . . . romantic even . . . but he didn't know what Hisoka wanted out of their relationship exactly. So, no matter how much it may hurt, he would be there for Hisoka in any way possible, no matter if Hisoka wanted him that way or not. He respected Hisoka and knew well of the boy's pride. And his past . . . how he had died. It would be a long time until Hisoka would want anything resembling intimacy in his afterlife. So that was that. He marched the rest of the way to their office. He'd be there for Hisoka in any way possible. If it was unrequited romantic love, that was fine. After all, true love is only true love if you want your loved one to be happy . . . even if it's not with you.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"'Soka! I have this great apple pie I want you to try! It's really soft on the inside, but nice and crisp on the outside, and it's not even that sweet! It's all about texture, that's what makes it great! So try some, won't you?"  
  
Hisoka had been reading a book while waiting for his partner to show up. He gave a look of disgust on his face that could have only looked worst if he had stuck out his tongue also.  
  
"Tsuzuki . . . . Let me spell it out. N. O. No."  
  
"'Sooookaaaa! Meanie! C'mon! I just know you didn't eat anything this morning! You never do, so this is better than nothing!"  
  
Damn him. Hisoka could feel the blood vessels in his head sticking out. How could he always tell?!  
  
Tsuzuki was still crying, complete with puppy ears that were hung back and a lifeless tail.  
  
"WAAHH!! I want Hisoka to eat! If he doesn't, I'll cry all morning!"  
  
Hisoka's face took on a shade of discomforted blue. He did NOT want to hear THAT all morning or be embarrassed by confused looks from the other employees. He promptly stood up and grabbed one of Tsuzuki's checks, stretching out his face until his mouth drooled. Tsuzuki looked up in surprise and almost thought he heard Hisoka growl.  
  
"Fine! If it'll shut you up!"  
  
'. . . And if it'll make you happy too.' Hisoka thought to himself.  
  
"Hisoka, are you smiling?"  
  
". . . ."  
  
"Let's get some coffee to go with it!"  
  
"Ah."  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tsuzuki grinned at the coffee bubbling out of the pot into their mugs in the break room.  
  
"Don't be so silly. This is going to be good, 'Soka."  
  
With a sigh, Hisoka followed Tsuzuki out the door back to their office, coffee mugs in hand. Could things stay this way, a nice calm happiness?  
  
Could Hisoka live with that?  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
YAMI NO MATSUEI, DESCENDANT OF THE DARK, DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS, and all related ideas and characters © 1996-2003 Yoko Matushita and respective companies. All other formats, ideas, art and information © 2003 Holly Lyons and associates. This is a fan creation. 


	3. Chapter Three: Painfully Beautiful

COMMENTARY  
  
Holli: Yeah, I really, really, really hated the original version of this fic once the 2nd chapter ended. The introduction of original characters was over powering, and my original characters have definite personalities, but they are way to extreme for a serious fic like this was supposed to be. The original characters had a purpose; so Hisoka could have a girl to go out with so, 1) he could do the "norm" like I could see Hisoka wanting to do (going out with a girl like he couldn't do before he died), and being encouraged by Tsuzuki to do so since Tsuzuki feels unworthy of Hisoka and 2) so he could deny liking Tsuzuki more if he's going out with someone else.  
  
I realized finally that I didn't need original characters to pull this off, and quite frankly, I would want their first coming together to happen b/c of a misunderstanding, not because of mishaps of dating, which is so old hat. So, there ya go!  
  
Undoubtedly I will probably tick off some people who were originally reading it (especially FF.net people), but if I the writer didn't like it, it needed to be changed to sound better.  
  
The original fic is still up titled as Breaking it down: SWEETEST VIBRATIONS. It wasn't a bad experience; it helped me really shape what I wanted to do with my Tsuzuki x Hisoka first getting together story. I may use the comedy parts of this fic later to write a humor or spamfic. So, enjoy and sorry!  
  
MorningStar: Yay! Okay, I like this chapter better because it focuses more on Tsuzuki and Hisoka. I still like her Puffy one, but this one has more soul *that last two words is actually what Holli said, but MS agrees* Yeah, that's about it. I don't say much about stories anymore! DAMN MURAKI!!!  
  
BuddhaFrog: Fuck you. Why is it that I always start out with that, anyhow, a woman's perogative to changer her mind, and that's what Holli did. Anyhow, it's a good chapter, I like it. I don't know why Holli insists on making Tsuzuki depressed. Uh...let's see *BF starts singing "Love Shack" GODDAMNIT BF! FINISH YOUR COMMENTARY!* I will like where this goes I think. And soon, hopefully I'll have something to contribute. Tsuzuki is doing someting weird in my head, that's all I can say. Uh...I need a shower, and I need to study, and LOVE AND PEACE!  
  
SWEETEST VIBRATIONS  
  
Chapter Three: Painfully Beautiful  
  
Written by Holli. Editing by BuddhaFrog and MorningStar.  
  
(WARNINGS: Tsuzuki x Hisoka; angst out the ass!)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tsuzuki knew he wanted to do something. Do something special for Hisoka. But what?  
  
Tsuzuki sighed as he sat outside on a bright day in his flower garden, dusty, resting on the ground. He retied the handkerchief on his head and dusted off his brown gardening gloves.  
  
Well, for one thing, Hisoka wasn't a girl to get gifts for (like the lilies he was growing), and he had to watch his step. Hisoka was a boy, and girly gifts or childish ones would highly offend him. If there was something Hisoka hated more than anything else, was when Tsuzuki was overprotected and babied him.  
  
It had been quite awhile since Tsuzuki had made his resolution to help out Hisoka in any matter possible. But, with everything at a standstill, and his partner being quiet, how could he help with anything? Besides . . .  
  
The violet eyed shinigami had come to the conclusion that Hisoka DID view him as a older brother sorts for sure now. Hisoka didn't act different from before, and he had shown no sign of anything different. Tsuzuki knew Hisoka was a strong person, stronger than him to endure so many emotional terrors. So many times when Tsuzuki had fallen apart in intense, torturing, emotional strung moments, Hisoka had stayed firm, even though that wasn't always the case. But, usually it was. So, surely someone as emotionally strong as him would have told him if he felt . . . intimate love . . . for him by now, right?  
  
Tsuzuki wasn't about to force his feelings on Hisoka. He felt he was not worthy of Hisoka . . . all he could do now was to do anything Hisoka asked of him, to always be there for him. That was his goal.  
  
'He won't be with me . . . I'm going to be lonely, in a way. But . . . I'm used to suffering. It's nothing new.'  
  
'W-wah . . . but he will be lonely too, won't he?'  
  
Tsuzuki abruptly stood up. He had an idea for what he was going to do the next day.  
  
"'Sooooka."  
  
Hisoka could feel the vein pop up in his forehead. He was attempting to keep his stack of papers from falling off his desk, and he didn't need this distraction.  
  
"What, Tsuzuki?"  
  
"You want some of the muffin I brought in?"  
  
"No thank you."  
  
"Awwww . . . ."  
  
That whining. Sometimes Hisoka wished that Tsuzuki was alive just so he could kill him. Hisoka let out a deep breath of air and calmed himself. That's how he felt sometimes, but he didn't mean it. But, Tsuzuki could so grate on anyone's nerves, and it didn't help that he was busy at the moment.  
  
"Well, then. Would you like to do something this evening?"  
  
Hisoka turned around quickly and forgot about the papers, as half the stack fluttered to the floor. His look of surprise quickly became a scrutinizing one, but his face started to hint at red.  
  
"What do you have in mind?"  
  
Tsuzuki threw his hands in a grandiose fashion in the air. He patted Hisoka on the shoulder in a brotherly way and whispered.  
  
"A date."  
  
Hisoka started turning 20 different shades of red. Was Tsuzuki asking him finally to do something so terrifying like that?  
  
"W--what? What do you mean?!"  
  
"Oh, Hisoka! Don't be embarrassed! A young man like you should do these sort of things! It's only healthy. Go eat, then go dancing or see a movie! It's a lot of fun. And not the least amount lonely."  
  
"B-but, but . . . I don't think I'd be able to handle it."  
  
"Sure you would! You're smarter than me, so no doubt you can! Just relax and go with the flow!"  
  
Hisoka let out an audible gulp. The thoughts of doing such things with Tsuzuki in a job-unrelated setting was scary to him. He liked Tsuzuki so much, and him standing so close whispering in his ear made his heart jump more than one beat . . . .  
  
"Of course, the only problem is that you have to go find that lucky person out there for you! But, with your good looks, I'm sure you can! I really want you to be happy with someone Hisoka!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hisoka should have been mad. It was in his nature to be angry when he was hurt. But he had no reason to be enraged. Tsuzuki didn't feel that way about him . . . and there was nothing he could do about it. Tsuzuki hadn't been trying to lead him on . . . he was just trying to help . . . like a loving . . . older brother.  
  
Hisoka's hands went limply to his sides, and he dropped all the papers he had picked up.  
  
It was incredible how painfully beautiful those sheets that have nothing but business affairs typed on them could be, as they floated gently back down to earth.  
  
Painfully beautiful.  
  
Hisoka felt his breathing catch, and he choked. He gritted his teeth. He was not going to be weak. He was not going to turn his head those few degrees to the left to look Tsuzuki in the face so Tsuzuki could see the tears welling up in his eyes. So, Tsuzuki didn't want him that way. Wasn't that all right? Hisoka had wanted him to live for him, to care for him. And he was doing it right now.  
  
But not in the way he wanted.  
  
But he had been too selfish already, asking for Tsuzuki to live, though he had wanted to die. He couldn't ask more of him. That was just the one thing he wouldn't force Tsuzuki to do; to fake feelings for him.  
  
Hisoka had even been willing to burn away with Tsuzuki if he absolutely refused to live . . . since that was truly the only place he belonged, with Tsuzuki in life . . . or death. He truly felt - no, knew - that he belonged with him in heart and soul. But, was he in Tsuzuki's most important shades of affection? Could he live with just this friendly love? Could he?!!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hisoka quickly ran out the office and out the main doors. Ignoring the petals floating past his face, and the shouts behind him, he was determined to run home. He could have home by teleporting if he wanted. But, if his body hurt, he could ignore the emotional hurt . . . . The heavy feelings in his body . . . if he kept running, maybe he could run fast enough that they would fly out his body to never be felt again.  
  
Hisoka knew that was wishful thinking.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tsuzuki stopped to catch his breath and looked up with scared pain in his eyes. Why was Hisoka so upset? The one glimpse of his face Tsuzuki had managed to get . . . it was so sad, it could have literally wretched his heart out his body. What had he done?! Why was everything he ever did end up hurting his precious person!? Again, again, and again!?  
  
Tsuzuki collapsed to his knees and sobbed into his hands.  
  
A piercing wail could be heard throughout all of Meifu and echoed with utter pain.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
YAMI NO MATSUEI, DESCENDANT OF THE DARK, DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS, and all related ideas and characters © 1996-2003 Yoko Matushita and respective companies. All other formats, ideas, art and information © 2003 Holly Lyons and associates. This is a fan creation. 


	4. Chapter Four: Desperate Hearts

COMMENTARY  
  
Holli: It took me several tries to finally finish this latest chapter; the number of times I sat down and only wrote 2 paragraphs was awful, but I've been so busy with school. But, it's here now, and enjoy! It's angst and more angst . . . but I hope you like it!  
  
I'm a can of mackerel! (LOL, it's a great laugh, right Cardcaptor Sakura fans?)  
  
MorningStar: YAHOO!! I love this chapter!! The imagery, the sentence structure, the wonderful use of words! Haha, I'm a dork! I love my Creative Writing class. I love this chapter, I won't give anything away, suffice it to say Holli does a wonderful job! That's all for now folks. DAMN MURAKI!!!  
  
BuddhaFrog: N/A yet  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
SWEETEST VIBRATIONS  
  
Chapter Four: Desperate Hearts  
  
Written by Holli. Editing by BuddhaFrog and MorningStar.  
  
(WARNINGS: Tsuzuki x Hisoka; angst out the ass!)  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hisoka lay sprawled out on his stomach, letting himself sink into the settling bed. He had finally caught his breath, but he couldn't relax.  
  
He knew now that he would have to bear the fact that Tsuzuki didn't like him . . . love him . . . in the way he wanted . . . not the way he wanted him to desire . . . to need.  
  
'Tsuzuki is special to me. I will simply survive this and try to understand. No matter how much it eats away at me . . . .'  
  
Hisoka held tightly around his pillow. He felt a few tears run down his cheek. He quickly wiped them away, gritting his teeth, tightening his hold on the pillow. He sat up quickly, his face holding a look of utter determination . . . of anger towards himself. He was not weak! He would not weep, cry and wallow in despair like some ridiculous fool. He was stronger than this! He did not have to recognize these hurtful emotions that he had never had before . . . he had always guarded himself from others' emotions and especially his own . . . he had always ignored them. And he could still do that.  
  
The seams of the pillow started to pop.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tsuzuki honestly did not know what to do anymore. Why was Hisoka so upset? He only wanted to help him out . . . he was being supportive of him going out and just being a normal teen, even if he was a dead one.  
  
Well, that wasn't completely correct though, right? Hisoka being a teenager. Pretty soon Hisoka wouldn't be a teen anymore anyway . . . sometimes he forgot. Actually . . . he wasn't a teen anymore right now, was he?  
  
But, what would he do now? He had upset Hisoka, and he did not know why. He couldn't just confront him could he? But he couldn't leave Hisoka upset and sad without trying to figure out what was wrong. He was supposed to be there for Hisoka no matter what, right?  
  
But, on the other hand, things could get really bad if he went to Hisoka right now too. He could let his hidden feelings slip out and add even more trouble to the situation . . . more bizarreness and strangeness would root between them. And knowing Hisoka . . . he could very much want to be alone right now.  
  
"AUGGGHHHH!!! I have to think of something!!!"  
  
Tsuzuki looked around him. He was surprised to see he had unconsciously walked himself straight to Hisoka's house without a single step in any other direction or a moment of hesitation . . . he was right outside Hisoka's front door.  
  
He swallowed down his anxiety. Well, he had his answer now he supposed . . . he was here. Maybe his natural habits and body movements knew better than he did.  
  
For better or for the most deadly of worse . . . Tsuzuki pushed the door bell and waited for an answer of any kind.  
  
Tsuzuki waited for a minute. He rang it again. Just as he did, an even monotone voice came from the other side of the door.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
A breath. A few moments hesitation.  
  
"H-Hisoka. It's me . . . Tsuzuki. Can I come in?"  
  
A barely audible scratch on the door. The slight sound of shifting feet. The voice inside closer but still holding the same emotion. A few seconds more.  
  
"No. Go away."  
  
"Please Hisoka! I only want to talk! What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
A sigh. Click. The lock being turned.  
  
"Hisoka! Don't lock me out! C'mon! Let me in!"  
  
"I'm not locking it."  
  
Tsuzuki was startled out of his protest. He carefully reached down to turn the knob . . . like he thought it was going to reach out and bite him. It wasn't locked.  
  
Tsuzuki quietly opened the door, closed it, and walked in. In the living room, Hisoka was sitting on the couch, his profile in view. He took a few hesitant steps forward. Hisoka's face had no expression. Then Hisoka spoke and turned his head just enough so he could look at Tsuzuki.  
  
"Listen, Tsuzuki. Today was just one of those days. My empathy is acting up and caught me off guard. I was overreacting to something on my mind." Well . . . it was only a half-lie.  
  
A pause . . . the awkward silence . . . a soft beam of chiffon colored light coming gently through the window, highlighting Hisoka's upper half . . . an ethereal glow that shines and dances on his hair. An even gaze . . . not angry, sad, nor happy. Light flickers on the facets of those verdant green eyes. Fine lined lips closed, but not held tight with upset emotion. Deceivingly at a calm . . . but Tsuzuki knew his partner too well . . . he knew he was still hurt about something . . . he just knew. Tsuzuki swallowed and parted his lips to speak.  
  
"Hisoka, I know I'm not an empath, but I'm not stupid. What's wrong?" Tightening of his nervous grip on his suit sleeves.  
  
A incoherent mumble about 'being able to argue that', but then Hisoka spoke. "I told you already. Nothing."  
  
Tsuzuki tightly closed his eyes, turning his face to the floor. His expression forcefully held together was a disturbing combination of anger and desperation of grief. "Hisoka, you can't tell me nothing is wrong! Any idiot can tell this is more than your usual empathy overload, even a fool like me!"  
  
Tsuzuki looked at the boy, and saw the expression on his face agonizingly unchanged. His breath caught, and his eyes started to fill with tear, unbidden. "No . . . this is not your empathy, is it?!"  
  
Hisoka's eyes widened just barely, but no other change was wrought on his face. Tsuzuki gathered his nerves and continued. "Something is upset in your own emotions, right?!! Not in mine, or anyone else's pushing down on you! It's . . . just you . . . it's your own emotions . . . that are actually hurt this time." Tears softly ran down Tsuzuki's face.  
  
Tsuzuki softly hugged himself, the embodiment of sad vulnerability. Hisoka really didn't know what to do now, more than ever . . . but then Tsuzuki asked one thing.  
  
"Why can't you tell me what is in your heart?"  
  
Hisoka couldn't speak. He couldn't answer . . . in words or movements. His eyes widened with utter hurt and confusion. Yes, he wanted to bare his soul to Tsuzuki . . . but what was the damn point if he truly couldn't be with him? Hisoka boiled over . . . his fist clutched tightly as he glared at the floor . . . he looked up . . . and SCREAMED.  
  
"YOU BAKA!! WHY SHOULD I?! I DID, BUT YOU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT!!"  
  
Tsuzuki stared at him in fear and utter surprise. Hisoka felt all his frustration over all this time well up . . . he had been so confused, but with reality smacking him in the face . . . with Tsuzuki's seeming rejection of him, what did he have to lose? Tsuzuki might as well know that he, his pathetic self, couldn't do without the other!  
  
"I have told you before how I've felt! It's been rare, but I have! And now I've been left in the dark!!! I TOLD YOU HOW I NEEDED YOU!!!"  
  
Hisoka finally broke down and screamed through his sobs. "I've been so afraid of you rejecting me . . . of you seeing me as some pity case, a kid for you to shelter!! And now I know!!"  
  
Hisoka gulped in air and continued his shouting. "You couldn't tell me how you felt; how you saw me as a kid . . . I should have just asked and been able to recover from the pain sooner! But you couldn't even allow me that, could you!?"  
  
Tsuzuki gaped at young partner. Hisoka continued to sob, and Tsuzuki tried to quickly roll over what his partner had just yelled at him in his brain. He quickly responded with a stutter.  
  
"H-Hisoka! I-I haven't rejected you! I never could, I never will! I can't! I need you too! I would never leave you all alone!"  
  
Hisoka looked up, his face covered with tears, and Tsuzuki jumped in pain at the sight. Hisoka answer was so soft . . . the older shinigami barely heard him.  
  
"I know you would never leave me all alone. But . . . I . . . I . . . . I hurt . . . so much, Tsuzuki."  
  
Hisoka watched the tears fall from his eyes . . . slowly getting smaller as they fell, and hit the floor, making the smallest of dark spots on the carpet floor. Tsuzuki just stood there rigid; what could he say to this? Was he misunderstanding?  
  
"I need you so much Tsuzuki. When I thought you were going to burn away your very soul . . . all I could think was that I would be all alone again. No one can ever replace you . . . not for me."  
  
Hisoka peered cautiously up at his partner. He had to show his hurt . . . his pain . . . his weakness he had buried so deeply. No matter how embarrassing, or how much it would cause him to be in pain, alone and alienated with his partner later, he just had to tell him what was ripping his hearts to shreds, before it destroyed him from the inside.  
  
"I wanted you to live! I wanted you to live in my heart! But I want to live in yours too! I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU! FOREVER!!! I KNEW we couldn't escape! I KNEW I'd burn away with you! I NEVER knew Tatsumi would save us!!!"  
  
Tsuzuki gasped and stared at Hisoka. He didn't have a plan to save himself at that time!!? Not at all?!! What had Hisoka been thinking!? Tsuzuki's thoughts were more than quickly, answered.  
  
"AS LONG AS I WAS WITH YOU, I WOULD BE HAPPY!! Existing or NOT! I WOULD BURN MY SOUL AWAY TOO, AS LONG AS I WAS TO BE WITH YOU!"  
  
Tsuzuki's mouth gaped open. Hisoka, in his huddled position, standing there and barely looking at him, finally stood straight up, and lunged at Tsuzuki. He buried his face in Tsuzuki's shirt, sobbing, and then looked up at him, staring him directly in the eye, with a face of desperation and heartbreak.  
  
"I LOVE YOU!!!"  
  
Tsuzuki didn't know what to say. He was so . . . utterly . . . ultimately . . . completely shocked. He couldn't even think. He felt himself fall to the floor with a plunk, and sat there, as Hisoka still clutched to him and sobbed uncontrollably into his shirt. "I need you . . . to be with you . . . always. I love you so much . . . it HURTS!!!"  
  
The older shinigami could only do what he had done earlier . . . follow his natural instincts, as he found himself hugging his partner close, tightly, enclosing him protectively in his arms, the boy between his legs. They just sat there, as Hisoka cried, and Tsuzuki felt the wetness on his own face streak down in silence.  
  
"I . . . I didn't know . . . I didn't know you were suffering because you felt like I didn't need you . . . didn't need you as an equal."  
  
Hisoka lessened his grip on Tsuzuki's shirt a little, and relished what he felt in his heart was going to be one of the last times he'd be able to rest his face on Tsuzuki's chest . . . to breath in his scent so close . . . to feel his heartbeat.  
  
"Well . . . I did. I just wanted to know how you feel. So I can try to move on . . . and leave you alone." Hisoka choked.  
  
"W-WHAT?!"  
  
Hisoka looked startled up in Tsuzuki's face, as Tsuzuki forced him to look him in the eye, holding tightly onto his shoulders. He was startled, even scared, as he saw Tsuzuki had the fiercest looking expression he had ever seen on the man!  
  
"I-I!! I NEED YOU TOO! I'M SO SORRY!!!" He tightened his hug around the boy, and sobbed into his hair. "I thought I was unworthy of you! And you thought you were! You! You did! But, Hisoka it's the same for me as it is you! It's all the same! I LOVE YOU!"  
  
Hisoka stared. And stared. All he could do was stare up at his partner's face.  
  
". . . That . . ."  
  
"That's the . . . truth?"  
  
Tsuzuki's fierce expression didn't change as he gripped the young man's shoulders even tighter and made sure he didn't turn his face away. "Of course it is! I love you, Hisoka!!"  
  
Tsuzuki hugged him as tightly and as closely as he could without hurting the boy, his joy at finding out that Hisoka loved him just as much as he loved him was overflowing, trying to burst forth, and he couldn't contain. He started to laugh, with the relief of past frustration and confusion gone, at the incredible feelings he now felt. He laughed as he cried. Nothing could possibly feel better right now.  
  
Absolutely nothing.  
  
The young teen was shocked. Shocked even more than Tsuzuki had been. He felt the warmth around him move with sobs and laughter . . . he truly couldn't believe what he had heard. It finally settled in . . . this was truly happening! He had told Tsuzuki how he had felt . . . and the feelings were returned! Hisoka could not laugh . . . all he could do was cry from relief, as Tsuzuki held him close . . . as he hugged his partner back as tightly as he could, and sobbed into his partner's chest. He was crying. But he was happy.  
  
Tsuzuki finally stopped laughing and pulled his partner's face up to look at him. He wiped away the tears and gave his most heartfelt smile . . . no fakeness, not a mask. "I'm so happy, Hisoka. I always felt this way, but I thought you didn't."  
  
"I did too. I guess we're both idiots."  
  
Tsuzuki chuckled. "Well . . . then were lucky ones."  
  
"Baaaa-ka."  
  
Tsuzuki laughed and hugged his partner again. How could he be worthy of something like this . . . after all his pain and sufferings? He felt . . . so much now.  
  
Hisoka pushed himself away from Tsuzuki and tried to breath.  
  
"You hug too hard, dummy!"  
  
The violet eyed man merely smiled. "I can't help it. I love you too much."  
  
Hisoka blushed at hearing that . . . and sat a bit away from Tsuzuki, still between his legs. "Tsuzuki . . . ."  
  
Tsuzuki leaned forward with a smile and rest his arms on Hisoka's shoulders as he faced him. "Hai?"  
  
Hisoka gulped and felt himself choke as he looked into the older man's eyes. Tsuzuki opened his eyes, and prodded him to answer him. "What is it?"  
  
Hisoka grabbed Tsuzuki's shirt collar before he could allow himself to have second thoughts, and kissed him.  
  
Tsuzuki's eyes widened, and he melted into the chaste kiss that was at first clumsy with Hisoka's rush. He smiled, and held the boy closer, as he let his arms wrap around the shoulders of the smaller frame, rubbing his back with one hand as he laid another on his neck. Hisoka wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki's neck, and the chaste kiss broke, and they found themselves staring into each other's eyes, a breath apart.  
  
Hisoka felt himself deeply blush, and even Tsuzuki's face was tinged. Tsuzuki smiled. "Was it okay for me to do that?"  
  
Tsuzuki grinned. "Of course. Can I return it?" Tsuzuki asked with big puppy eyes.  
  
"Y-yes, you baka."  
  
Tsuzuki leaned forward and caught his love's mouth, and gave him a soft kiss. Hisoka couldn't believe what was happening. And he couldn't be happier. Hisoka pressed close, and their chastened kiss turned passionate, as Tsuzuki pushed himself forward to explore Hisoka's mouth. Hisoka moaned, and was left breathless. Tsuzuki smiled as big as possible, and hugged his partner close.  
  
"I'm so happy. I love you Hisoka."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
In a rather bare and plain living room, full with the last rays of the setting sun, two messy and tear soaked young men held tightly to each other. The younger fell asleep in the arms of his love. The older merely smiled and breathed in the scent of the young teen, tucking his head under his chin. It was relaxed and calm . . . and no one could possibly know how great the two were truly feeling.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
YAMI NO MATSUEI, DESCENDANT OF THE DARK, DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS, and all related ideas and characters © 1996-2004 Yoko Matushita and respective companies. All other formats, ideas, art and information contained in this article © 2004 Holly Lyons and associates. This is a fan creation. 


	5. Chapter Five: Strong Together

COMMENTARY  
  
Holli: Wow. I never thought I could write this much sap. I write about as much sap as I do angst . *cringes* Gomen!  
  
So . . . this was an interesting chapter to say the least. :P Muraki is such a sadist bastard, even though I understand MOST of his motives. Other things . . . unforgivable.  
  
But anyway, lucky me, I could still post all of this on FF.net, even with the Muraki mentions in here. Yay! I truly wonder if I wrote Muraki in character . . . I was worried about that.  
  
I meant to go further in the plot, but it kinda dived to the side and hit a concrete wall before I hijacked the angst/sap truck. Sorry! I plan to start the next chapter very soon. I'm not sure when this fic will end . . . it's going to be interesting.  
  
Please review! I'm a feedback whore!  
  
And ninjas are cool.  
  
MorningStar: YAY!!! I got referenced!!! HAHAHA, okay, anyway I really love how Holli wrote Muraki in here :D YAY! She did a good, non-clichéd job!!! Okay, so that's all I have, you all have to read now! Oh, by the way, me like much sappiness!!!! And, with even greater emphasis than before: DAMN MURAKI!!!!!!  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
SWEETEST VIBRATIONS  
  
Chapter Five: Strong Together  
  
Written by Holli. Editing by MorningStar.  
  
(WARNINGS: R for abrasive, disturbing imagery (not the fluffy or hot kind), verges on being lemon; Tsuzuki x Hisoka; angst. AND A LOT OF SAP. There are some spoilers if you haven't seen/read Yami no Matsuei's King of Swords story (anime episodes 7-9, and all of manga volume 3). There are references to things only seen in the manga in case you're wondering.)  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was amazing. Bizarre. And with the sudden standstill . . . the realization of holding onto each other's bodies . . . arms encircled tight and desperate . . . so much like when they were almost burned in the black flames of the serpent . . . . It was awkward . . . unsettling.  
  
But right.  
  
Hisoka felt his breath rustle Tsuzuki's shirt as he woke up; it was slightly damp with his tears and clinging still so tightly to it, even as he had slept. He had finally stopped crying because of his now relieved anxiety, with his eyes half open, staring at a far away picture of the two of them on the other side of the room. That was about all he could do, left extremely exhausted. How long had he slept there in Tsuzuki's arms?  
  
Hisoka wasn't one for excessive decoration and possessions, but the photo he was looking at was framed plainly but neatly, sitting on a bookshelf; Tsuzuki happily eating pocky, as he tried to read. It was gleaming slightly golden with the evening light, throwing flecks of white on the opposite wall, and Hisoka found this one object something to center his focus on after his emotional release, since it was too hard to do just about anything else. But as he sat there, he finally realized what had happened, and where he was.  
  
He had kissed Tsuzuki. More than once, and the second time had been so intense . . . . He had felt so much . . . so much of Tsuzuki's emotions, much stronger than when they just touched . . . and it was overwhelming what this man felt. Especially towards the teen.  
  
A deep blush crossed his face, and he pushed against Tsuzuki who held him in a tight bear hug, practically in the older man's lap.  
  
"Wha-what's wrong, Hisoka?"  
  
"N-nothing."  
  
Hisoka settled, sitting a couple feet from Tsuzuki on the floor. Tsuzuki gave Hisoka the dumbest look possible of confusion . . . after all that, Hisoka was becoming distant again? If Hisoka had seen Tsuzuki's face, even in that emotionally strung moment, even he would have laughed, but his face was flushed red as he stared at his fisted hands in front of him that supported his weight on the floor as he sat awkwardly. Tsuzuki blinked for a few minutes when it finally dawned on him. Hisoka had made an incredible confession to him . . . and he had confessed first. And this is a person that's afraid of closeness and intimacy . . . for many reasons, both past experiences and his empathy.  
  
Tsuzuki relaxed and shrugged down, and merely smiled at Hisoka. He found all of Hisoka's reactions, both emotionally and physically very cute, but he didn't make any indication to tease him; when you had a past like Hisoka, you don't tease about awkwardness in these situations.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Yes! No! I DON'T KNOW!!"  
  
Tsuzuki tried his hardest to not laugh, but he let out a small, good natured chuckle. Hisoka peered up at him, completely crimson in the face, and glared.  
  
"What are you laughing at?!!!"  
  
Tsuzuki smiled. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just so happy . . . don't misunderstand me." Tsuzuki inched closer and touched Hisoka's face lightly. "I understand Hisoka, okay? I may not know everything you're feeling, but I understand enough. We both have said so much tonight and it's been imprisoned deep inside for so long. Don't worry. We're going to take this new reality slowly. Okay? I never want to leave you sad or with bad memories. Never."  
  
Hisoka stared up at Tsuzuki and saw a blush on his face too. He was nervous and apprehensive too, not as much as him, but the emotion was there. Hisoka tried to manage a smile, but couldn't, and instead looked to the floor again. Tsuzuki smiled brightly and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead.  
  
"All right?"  
  
"Y-yeah . . . ."  
  
Hisoka let himself lean a bit into Tsuzuki, and Tsuzuki gently embraced him. After all this time, Tsuzuki knew he could be strong and support Hisoka . . . and he knew Hisoka would do the same for him. He snuggled a cheek into Hisoka's hair and sighed.  
  
"I'm so happy."  
  
Happy. Is this that feeling he had started to feel once he had met Tsuzuki? For the first time, he recognized the feeling that had started to grow. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He whispered softly.  
  
"I'm happy too."  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hisoka heard someone once say they enjoyed nightmares. He had really wondered what they had meant (were they some kind of masochist?), until they said that they always figured out their nightmares were nightmares and then adjusted them to their liking as they slept. That was something only a few people could do, and Hisoka wished he could. But of course, he could not.  
  
The nightmares he had were not ordinary. They were literally the curse induced kind . . . and even if he did not have this curse etched on his body, carved in the most malicious way possible by an angelic, sadistic doctor, he was sure he would still have these dreams.  
  
He really wondered if he would ever be able to overpower those bad dreams.  
  
That's what Hisoka thought about, late a night at about 2 in the morning, clutching at his covers. After finding happiness, true happiness that evening, Tsuzuki and he had ate a light meal and parted, Tsuzuki leaving Hisoka's house for his own home.  
  
Hisoka felt even more alone than before after Tsuzuki had left, and hated this feeling of impending doom. He knew this dark premonition was completely unfounded, but after a life and afterlife of such pain and abrasive cruelty, he thought it was fate itself that was going to ensure that he would be never happy. Being truly happy. Was that possible for him? It was scary.  
  
So now, he lay in his bed, not wanting to sleep, afraid of his nightmares as always. He was not utterly terrified, but restless about these thoughts, and tried to convince himself to sleep.  
  
So of course, he could not.  
  
That nagging thought in the back of his head that told him he did not deserve this, telling him that this pure, unadulterated joy was sure not to last; the more happiness he'd achieve, the most likely it'd be knocked out from under his feet, leaving him falling in despair.  
  
Why did he have thoughts like this? Or rather, this feeling? Why?!  
  
Somewhere around 3 in the morning, sleep finally found Hisoka.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
It's always the same. When he suspects the evil torture to return, it does. But, when he doesn't suspect it, it still comes anyway.  
  
Evil beauty. This soft white, angelic face, twisted in mirth. A soft glimmer on a cybernetic eye.  
  
Eyes widen in shock . . . then terror. A dismembered woman . . . the man covered in blood under that lone sakura tree. That man's eyes glint at him . . . scrutinize him . . . as if examining prey. Isn't that what that look is exactly?  
  
Labored breathing. Hisoka knows he has seen a murder. A murder by a pale madman, adorned in all white, but now painted in brilliant red streaks of blood. A psycho. Run. Run away. You'll die too.  
  
Can't breathe. His health was already bad. Why of all nights did he walk alone outside, when the moon made it look like day . . . but now burned red?  
  
He doesn't trip, but a clutching . . . a pull at the collar of his kimono, and he is spun around to face his pursuer. Dragged and pulled down . . . and back to under the tree.  
  
Hands wander over his body. Hisoka stares at the man that hovers above him, leering over him, as petals continue to fall and settle on them both. He is talking, isn't he? Hisoka can't tell through the blurring in his mind. But he is acutely aware of everything happening . . . he wished he wasn't. A smile that never leaves that face.  
  
Is he going to die? Becoming another faceless murder victim of this person?  
  
He is so terrified, he can't move. He feels the pressure around his waist loosen . . . this man is undoing his obi. W-why?! He reaches down and unfolds his kimono, as if unwrapping a present. The sleeves come completely off, his legs sprawled apart.  
  
He lays there on his kimono, entirely and utterly exposed. And this man . . . no hint of intimacy or comfort, stays completely clothed and examines his body. His lips curl up in an almost childlike sneer, but holding something far more sinister . . . looking at this boy as some kind of plaything.  
  
A soft caress. He feels this man touch all parts of his body, the firmness of it, the soft places, places that had never been touched before by anyone but himself . . . .  
  
Why is he doing this to him?  
  
Hisoka cringed. He did not want to know. All he did know was that he was trapped within his own mind . . . watching sakura petals fall from the tree above him . . . a hover . . . a fluttering . . . as it touched down on his face. The tears that streaked down his face . . . not once affecting the doctor's intentions and no hesitations. Why?  
  
He trembled. He cried. He tried to roll up to protect himself.  
  
But this person . . . this man . . . this doctor called Muraki . . . would not let him.  
  
He teases. He caresses. He inflames reactions in his body that his emotions do not want. He kisses and sucks on the most sensitive of flesh . . . rubs and twists. Somewhere in that torture, Muraki had lost his own clothing.  
  
He feels himself respond. He feels himself crying and screaming. He feels himself spread open and mercilessly . . . quickly and painfully . . . stabbed through!  
  
He screams. And screams. SCREAMS. Screams until he can't find his voice. This cruel imitation of love making . . . that has nothing to do with love . . . he feels himself rock back and forth in those motions . . . . All he can do now is occasionally cringe and writhe. He has no power to struggle anymore.  
  
His eyes glaze over, as he feels himself still moving. The doctor gives him a cruel kiss on the lips . . . mimicking true intimacy as he grins. The petals continue to fall . . . and come to rest on his face. He stares into nothing, barely registering those blossoms falling about him. Like the way he had fallen.  
  
He can't feel anymore.  
  
What is that screaming? That loud painful screaming. Who is that?  
  
He realizes it is himself.  
  
A scream. A scream for Tsuzuki.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"HISOKA!!! Wake up!!"  
  
Solidness. He was sitting firmly in bed. The sheets and covers were tangled around his legs and pooled around his waist. But the only firm sensation of realness was the tense hands holding on to his arms, gently shaking him. He stared straight into concerned violet eyes. He finally shook the sleep from his eyes and cried out in realization.  
  
"TSUZUKI!!"  
  
Hisoka quickly pulled back from Tsuzuki and wrapped his arms around himself. He sat there breathing heavily as Tsuzuki almost whimpered in concern, sitting across from him. "Hisoka?"  
  
Even though he was drenched with sweat, Hisoka was shivering and shaking violently, his voice stuttered, "I-I'm fine, Tsuzuki." He grimaced at sounding so distant to someone who was supposed to be . . . his lover . . . yes. His lover.  
  
Tsuzuki had a hunch of what was going on. But he said nothing. Even as two who were suppose to be together now . . . he knew Hisoka still did not want to rely on anyone, like when he had a similar nightmare back on the ship, Queen Camellia. That hurt Tsuzuki . . . he knew he had to say something about that. Tsuzuki remembered how Hisoka had screamed for him then . . . but he didn't want to hurt this strong boy who felt the need to be independent. He knew then and now that Hisoka looked for him for help. And he wanted to be here for him. It was time he was reminded of that.  
  
"Tsuzuki, what are you doing here? I thought you went home."  
  
"It's morning. I came early to see you before we go to work."  
  
It was still pitch dark, but Hisoka could see it was already 7 in the morning.  
  
"I-I didn't want to invade your personal space . . . but I heard you screaming. I came rushing in."  
  
Hisoka remembered he was screaming for Tsuzuki. Like he had done before, that time on the ship. He covered his mouth. This déjà vu hurt him.  
  
"You were screaming for help. For me."  
  
Hisoka stared up at Tsuzuki who still sat across from him, his hands still covering his mouth. "I-I was?" He winced and tears tried to come out his eyes, but he forbade it. He quickly rubbed them away.  
  
"Yes. Hisoka . . . can I tell you something?"  
  
Hisoka felt weak. A pitiful child. He cringed and he was angry for feeling inferior. But he knew not to yell at Tsuzuki. He knew this wasn't his fault. "Yes. What is it?"  
  
"I . . . I . . . I am here for you. Always. I love you."  
  
Hisoka peered up at him.  
  
"But, I don't want to tell you just that. I think you're truly strong Hisoka." He stared at his hands in his lap. "I want to rely on you to protect me. I need you to. Please."  
  
Hisoka gaped at Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki had not pitied him. He had not treated him as a child. He wanted him to protect him. To rely on him. Not the other way around. He was strong?  
  
"Please, Hisoka? A-and, you can rely on me too! Please, can't you! I want you to! I need this so much! We . . ." Tsuzuki's face started to blush, "We are together now. I guess . . . lovers."  
  
Hisoka blushed tenfold.  
  
"It's okay for us to equally protect each other and comfort each other. It's okay to show our weaknesses. Okay?"  
  
Hisoka nodded, and meekly crawled those few feet over to Tsuzuki and hugged the other man . . . breathing in his scent, burying his face in his shoulder and sighed. "Okay. Thank you, Tsuzuki. I'll do that."  
  
"You're strong Hisoka. I need you. I love you."  
  
The teen blushed and tightened his hug. Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka, and kissed him on the forehead. Then his nose . . . Hisoka blushed brighter as Tsuzuki kissed him on the lips.  
  
Tsuzuki smiled. "Don't worry. I know you're strong . . . and we'll figure out our love at your pace, okay? Just like I said before. I know there has to be so much you're worried about . . . and scared about. Is that okay? I'll be here for however long it takes."  
  
Hisoka felt tears, but quickly buried his face back into Tsuzuki's shoulder before he could see. "Y-yeah. I love you, Tsuzuki."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
Tsuzuki cradled Hisoka's head on his shoulder and hugged him closely. He felt his own tears creep out. They would be strong, rely on each other and protect each other . . . .  
  
Together. As one.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED . . . .  
  
YAMI NO MATSUEI, DESCENDANT OF THE DARK, DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS, and all related ideas and characters © 1996-2004 Yoko Matushita and respective companies. All other formats, ideas, art and information © 2003-2004 Holly Lyons and associates. This is a fan creation. 


	6. Chapter Six: Not Fragile

COMMENTARY  
  
MorningStar: Yay for Holli! She finished chapter! First Limey goodness . .. heheheh, very good. By the way Kill Bill VOl. 2 is great and recommended! Thas about it. DAMN MURAKI!!!  
  
Holli: Uhhh...this took forever to write. A combination of reasons. 1) My new school semester is really busy, and still getting worse as it's getting close to the end 2) Fanart contests I was participating in, hee hee and 3) I was getting to more of the sexual part of Tsuzuki and Hisoka's relationship...which I have never written about in my life, except in rpgs MorningStar and I have played. So, ha ha ha, yep.  
  
Enjoy! It's not over yet!  
  
BuddhaFrog: N/A  
  
SWEETEST VIBRATIONS Chapter Six: Not Fragile  
  
Written by Holli. Editing by MorningStar.  
  
(WARNINGS: R to NC-17 for LIME! Hot and dirty kind!; Tsuzuki x Hisoka; angst. Painful, get-over-it kind of angst!)  
  
It's never easy to watch your most loved one suffer.  
  
Tsuzuki cringed as he tried to stack his paperwork straight. With a sigh, he slipped on a paper clip, set it down, closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, pushing the chair back on its hind legs with his feet. As his arms dangled unused on either side, he stared at the ceiling.  
  
'What now?'  
  
His thoughts were not about the paperwork, but about his partner.  
  
Hisoka had gone to get their lunch, leaving Tsuzuki to try to catch up with his paperwork that his younger partner couldn't help him with since it required his signatures. Finally finishing the huge pile, there was nothing left to do except to wait for his partner to return. The next papers were new investigation papers that required them both to do the summaries. Tsuzuki knew he could get started, but rather not. As unpleasant, or rather as uneasy, as his apparently not job-related thoughts were, they were still ones he needed to reflect on.  
  
Tsuzuki rolled many thoughts through his mind. Hisoka was an enigma of weakness and strength. He was intelligent and strong when it came to emotions, due to his need to control his empathy. But his body was one that hadn't quite reached full maturity. Although his body was strong, it was also lithe and skinny, and prone to fainting. And while Hisoka did understand his emotions and could face his own problems, he preferred not to sometimes and was often confused by them.  
  
It is true that he would always be afraid of Muraki on an instinctual, subconscious level (and who wouldn't be? Especially with the nature of the doctor's assault and murder brought down upon Hisoka), but he certainly wasn't utterly terrified of the man, even if he was caught off guard by him during their encounters.  
  
Tsuzuki knew that he would have been terrified if he had ever encountered someone who had tried to kill him like that in the most vicious and disgusting of ways, but Hisoka had not been afraid. He is . . . truly strong, and had overcome a great amount of his ordeal.  
  
Tsuzuki winced and leaned over his desk. 'So . . . back to his original, aggravating thought: what now?' Ever since their confessions to each other, and that morning Tsuzuki had rescued Hisoka from his nightmares, their relationship had advanced in a way, but had also tried to revert to what it was before; Tsuzuki pouted at realizing they hadn't even hugged each other since that last morning, much less kiss or anything else intimate. And that had been almost a month ago.  
  
But, he didn't want to scare Hisoka away . . . he knew he couldn't pussyfoot around him anymore either . . . Hisoka had convinced him of his worth. He most certainly wasn't afraid of them being together. He smiled. He now knew it was all right to exist . . . but old convictions are hard to discard. The shinigami grimaced wistfully. How would he ever know how far he could go in their relationship without hurting Hisoka? When a loving gaze was too overwhelming, or a gentle touch held too long?  
  
"Baaaka."  
  
Tsuzuki jumped at the voice of his younger partner, who handed him his take- out Chinese food. "How long were you standing there?"  
  
"Long enough to be reminded how truly stupid you are sometimes. I caught a few bits of your moronic thoughts." Tsuzuki frowned, but perked up as he saw a very rare, but small smile appear on Hisoka's face briefly. "Thank you. But I'm not that fragile. Tsuzuki, you haven't scared me with your stupidity before, so how would anything you do now make a difference? I can tell you if I don't approve of something . . . geez, you dummy."  
  
Tsuzuki didn't know exactly what to think of those remarks, but immediately cheered up anyway. He didn't know what it was about Hisoka, but whenever he told Tsuzuki anything, Tsuzuki believed him . . . was convinced and reassured, no matter if Hisoka could truly know any better than him or not. Somehow . . . it coming from him was all he ever needed.  
  
Tsuzuki grinned at being reminded of his newfound happiness with Hisoka.  
  
'It's called love, eh? It was always there . . . but now it doesn't have to be denied.'  
  
Tsuzuki frowned at noticing for his 4 containers of Chinese, Hisoka only had a small one of lo mein, but he smiled at seeing him actually eat it. With a bit of elegance that Hisoka never noticed of himself, Hisoka efficiently and quickly ate his food as he started looking over their next pile of paperwork.  
  
Tsuzuki smiled. It was nice viewing Hisoka's routines. He knew that after the boy ate and briefly looked at the papers, he'd take the rest of the break to read. If he was lucky, he'd get to see Hisoka accidentally doze off in his chair as he read. He always let him sleep longer than their break, pissing off Hisoka, but he was just too cute when he slept . . . he always breathed softly . . . gentle rising in his chest, barely holding on to his book. Tsuzuki would work on their papers then, but would always stop to admire his partner, his hair gently resting around his face, sometimes tickling his nose, which he would brush away in his sleep. The evenings were always best, the sun hitting Hisoka's hair and making it appear even more golden than what his light brown hair was.  
  
He wished he could cuddle with his partner. Of course, the teen wouldn't want to do such a thing (pride and embarrassment) but Tsuzuki knew if he could convince him to, all the trouble to accomplish it would be entirely worth it. It was almost like convincing a cat to let you pet it . . . if it would just relax and trust you just a little bit more for just a moment.  
  
Being around with Hisoka anytime . . . being able to watch him and feel safe . . . it was the best thing in the world.  
  
Hisoka peered up from his lo mein, wondering why the hell his partner was staring at him instead of eating. Even with his empathy and Tsuzuki's strong emotions, he didn't always catch everything. He cursed at himself as he felt himself blush, realizing he had noodles sticking out of his mouth. He knew he had to look stupid. As he reddened and slurped the noodles in, Tsuzuki's smile started to grow bigger and he closed his eyes in happiness.  
  
"What's your problem, moron?"  
  
"Nothing. You're just so cute, Hisoka."  
  
Hisoka reddened even more. Why did that comment make him feel so weird? Really! He'd already kissed the man . . . more than once too . . . but it was always embarrassing, no matter what, to have attention like that; nice attention and admiration. Hisoka just wasn't use to it, and worse yet, they were still at work in the office!  
  
"Don't call me that!"  
  
Tsuzuki didn't reply but just continued to smile. He laughed and gave Hisoka an answer that he knew he would most certainly do the opposite of.  
  
"Okay . . . if you say so!"  
  
Hisoka looked away from the brunet and grimaced at the floor. 'Damn him. It never was much of a fight for me to come to care for him like this . . . was it? To not actually mind his love . . . .'  
  
The teenager blushed even more, but quickly pushed his precarious thoughts to the back of his mind. "We need to finish these summaries, Tsuzuki."  
  
Tsuzuki laughed. "I know, I know. But after the break, okay?"  
  
Hisoka frowned and finished his lo mein. He picked up his book and started reading as he sipped at his bottle of plum tea. He looked up at Tsuzuki and gave him a disapproving little frown.  
  
"Wake me up if I fall asleep, damn it."  
  
Tsuzuki face broke into a wide grin.  
  
"No problem."  
  
Hisoka felt himself getting mad . . . but he wasn't really, was he?  
  
"And Tsuzuki?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm not cute when I sleep either."  
  
Tsuzuki sweat dropped. Just how much had Hisoka been able to pick up on his emotions? He never knew what would leak through to the teen. But then he chuckled.  
  
"You can't change the truth, Hisoka."  
  
Hisoka ignored that last comment and went back to reading.  
  
Days like this made Tsuzuki glad that he was alive (in a matter of speaking). Ever since their last big discussion and reassurances to each other, Hisoka and he had spent a little more time together outside of work. They had done so before, but now it was even a little bit more . . . just enough to be noticeable by those who knew them really well. They went out to eat more often, spent time talking about absolutely nothing until ungodly hours, and even played games (usually shogi or igo, even though Tsuzuki usually didn't like having to concentrate on such things to play a game; it felt too much like taking a test to him).  
  
But, the best part of it all was that he knew he was wanted and needed. Their conversations weren't serious very often, and Tsuzuki knew it was because of hesitance on both their parts; so much had been straightened out, but there was still a lot left untouched. It was now a bit more about . . . emotions . . . the feel of it all now . . . not what needed to be said.  
  
They were walking back to Hisoka's house, Tsuzuki slightly behind his younger partner. The golden light that played off Hisoka's hair in the early evening hours reminded Tsuzuki of the night they had finally confessed to each other. He smiled warmly, as Hisoka continued to walk his calm, collective stride. The older shinigami let out a deep breath of air that wasn't quite a sigh. Truly, this was the best of moments. They hadn't planned on anything tonight, but that didn't matter. A whole lot of nothing was fine by Tsuzuki.  
  
He smirked. Instead of shogi or igo this evening, they could play Hide-and- Seek. Also tag . . . because all the games they played just seemed too . . . 'grown-up' to Tsuzuki. Boring and sad . . . he thought for sure that Hisoka would like to play something else . . . since his childhood had been as bad as his own. At least Tsuzuki had been exposed to the outside . . . but Hisoka's childhood had been one of absolute isolation.  
  
He laughed at the thought of tackling Hisoka while playing tag or some other running game. Meanwhile the teenager stopped, turned around and glared at him, a slight touch of scarlet on his face, that was hard to notice in the evening light. "Quit being stupid, Tsuzuki." He turned back around and continued his walk where he left off, like nothing happened, even with his embarrassment apparent.  
  
Tsuzuki stood there for a second, but then chuckled. He had to remember not to be so strong with his thoughts around Hisoka. He always forgot, just about every single time he was around him and was excited. He just liked those kinds of games. Roughhousing was the best kind of play, in Tsuzuki's opinion. Why would Hisoka blush at the thought of just some friendly romp-time?  
  
On opposite ends of a small kitchen table, Hisoka watched Tsuzuki finish off the last of the daifuku mochi he had brought out for dessert to finish off their meal. Tsuzuki momentarily peered up from his snack, smiled at Hisoka warmly, not noticing the flour on his nose from the treat, and then went back to demolishing the white rice cakes without mercy.  
  
Hisoka sighed. The sigh was of affection, but also a bit of exasperation. Tsuzuki was such a little kid . . . it was kind of aggravating how so many considered this . . . baka . . . more of an adult than himself. But, Tsuzuki was serious when it mattered; the teen had to admit to himself. Hisoka winced at realizing that acting more mature and having a seemingly more mature mind didn't make him more of the adult necessarily . . . especially after some of the really dumb mistakes he had made in some of their investigations, that had been utterly teenage and rebellious in attitude. At least most of Tsuzuki's mistakes were because of miscalculations and misunderstandings, not because of brash actions. But, it's not that Tsuzuki didn't screw up that way too.  
  
The teenager blinked as he noticed that Tsuzuki had finished his dessert, and was sitting contently, smiling at him. He felt his heart race . . . and the most miniscule of blushes tinted his face.  
  
'I love you.'  
  
Hisoka blushed at remembering their confessions to each other, in what seemed to be a small eternity ago. Lovers. Not brotherly love. No mercy cases or pity parties. One sweet kiss after another that lingered ever so long . . . but since that time . . . after that intense confession and the following morning, their relationship had advanced . . . yet it hadn't.  
  
The feeling that had surged through him when he had touched Tsuzuki . . . he longed to touch his . . . lover . . . again. His lips, his face . . . to gently brush his fingertips over bared chest and back, and to feel those hands of his love on his own flesh . . . .  
  
The teen felt himself redden even more, and knew it was his fault for having such thoughts. It made his heart quicken . . . and his stomach tighten. He clutched the front of his shirt, and stared at his slipper covered feet resting on the floor . . . a nervousness rushed over him.  
  
"Hisoka?"  
  
The young man came to his senses and snapped his head up to stare at Tsuzuki. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Y-yeah. Never better."  
  
Tsuzuki stood up and tentatively and carefully walked over to his partner, letting a hand rest gently on his shoulder. "Are you sure?"  
  
Hisoka continued to stare at him. For once . . . he was not going to deny himself . . . his emotions.  
  
"No."  
  
Tsuzuki was concerned by that answer, and lowered himself to Hisoka's eye level and tried to look into the eyes of the young man. His eyes appeared closed, but were actually open, looking towards the floor. He honestly didn't know what to do . . . he had no idea what thoughts could be racing through his mind. But, before he could ask Hisoka if he was all right once again, the boy spoke up.  
  
"I don't know what to do anymore. And you don't either. I can see that. I'm not stupid. I think I've told you that more than once."  
  
Tsuzuki let his arms relax and lay crossed over Hisoka's knees as he knelt and Hisoka remained seated in his chair, intent on listening to whatever the younger shinigami needed to say. To be frank, he was worried. After all their hardships, misunderstandings and conflicts, was the teenager having second thoughts about them being a couple? Tsuzuki felt the bottom of his stomach give out. He didn't ever want to be alone again . . . please not that . . . please . . . !  
  
"MORON! That's not it!"  
  
Tsuzuki winced and then slowly and sheepishly looked back up at Hisoka. The youth's eyes were tearing up just slightly, but his face showed frustrated anger more than anything else.  
  
"I-I . . . we-we're suppose to be lovers, like you said, right? Shouldn't . . . we . . . move forward?" Hisoka breathed out, shouting as he started, and almost whispering as he finished.  
  
"W-what do you mean?" Tsuzuki felt his heart race.  
  
"Listen, I-I've never had a relationship before . . . an intimate . . . physical relationship. I have no idea-well I do-but not really, I mean . . . ."  
  
Hisoka stopped trying to talk and tightly clutched his bangs in his hands, the strands running between his fingers and poking in odd directions, as if to emphasize his frustration even more. This situation was beyond aggravation.  
  
He was strong. He could beat his past horrors. But . . . somewhere in there, in his mind . . . and his body . . . he truly felt defiled . . . jaded . . . dirty.  
  
"Hisoka. I know. Don't worry."  
  
Hisoka looked with appreciation towards Tsuzuki, but then his frustration quickly reappeared, and he quickly stood up.  
  
"But, that's no excuse! It's been way too long . . . we've waited too long to move forward and make something of our relationship! I . . . what do you want, Tsuzuki?"  
  
The brunet peered up at Hisoka and smiled warmly. "Anything to make you happy. I'm fine the way it is now, even if it has to remain that way."  
  
The young shinigami let out an exasperated sigh, and a smile appeared on his face. But it seemed rather bitter, as a tear rolled down his cheek. "I knew you'd say that."  
  
"H-Hisoka – what have I done? I'm sorry!"  
  
"BAKA! You should be! But . . . you shouldn't be either! I know you want what I want . . . but I don't know what that is either. So, please . . . . We both . . . need to take some risk."  
  
Hisoka warmly held Tsuzuki's face and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. Tsuzuki sighed and closed his eyes. It has been so long since he had felt that flesh against his own. "Tsuzuki . . . I love you. But I also want what you want too. Please, for once, tell me what you want . . . what you need. I want to take care of you! You may be selfless as you sacrifice yourself for my sake, but it's a needless sacrifice! I can handle what you want, I want to! When you do everything just for my sake . . . there's a different kind of selfishness in that too . . . and it hurts me."  
  
Tsuzuki gaped at Hisoka, and then grimaced. Both of them thought too much for the sake of the other. He hugged Hisoka tightly to his chest. He snuggled Hisoka close, enjoying his scent, and his heart started to race. He could feel Hisoka's was also.  
  
"I . . . I don't want to make you angry, but I truly want what you want. Hisoka, I know you're a steady person I can always rely on and love. But . . . and I know you're past shouldn't be held in account if you don't want me to . . . but please."  
  
"We . . . we aren't ever going to get past this at this rate." Hisoka sighed. "I . . . just. Let me kiss you. There. T-that's what I want from you right now . . . it's a . . . start." The boy peered up at Tsuzuki, his face flushed red, a glimmer of lust barely hidden in his eyes.  
  
"O-okay."  
  
Tsuzuki dipped down and gently touched his lips to those soft lips, hugging the young man close, as Hisoka stretched up to meet him halfway. Those lips pressed together, caressed and parted. Hisoka twitched, as he stood back down.  
  
"Hisoka?"  
  
Hisoka reached up again with a quick snap, and pulled and pushed Tsuzuki down onto the floor with a resounding thud. Tsuzuki let out a surprised yelp as he landed on his butt, but Hisoka soon resumed his kissing of the older man, as he knelt between his legs, ran his hands through Tsuzuki's hair, pressing his tongue forward to gain entrance to Tsuzuki's mouth.  
  
Tsuzuki cautiously ran his hands over Hisoka's back and soon felt himself immersed in the feel and smell of his loved one all around him. As Hisoka finally knelt back with his hands gripping Tsuzuki's knees, he looked at his lover and found himself flustered in desire and breathless . . . unconsciously licking his lips. It took him a moment, but he finally found his voice.  
  
"Tsuzu . . . ki." He rasped out.  
  
The older shinigami swallowed hard as he looked across at the teen. That lustful utterance of his name . . . it had definitely had aroused him even more. Hisoka's face was flustered but lustful, his voice shaky but seductive. His expression wore a look of determination, mustering its way through scarcely concealed fear. There was simply no one word to describe Hisoka's disheveled but controlled appearance right then.  
  
The green eyed boy's breathing did not settle, but only increased. In almost a demand, he spoke to Tsuzuki. "I touched you. Now . . . you touch me."  
  
Carefully, Tsuzuki pushed himself up on his hands and sat up. He gazed deeply into Hisoka's eyes . . . he had lost himself so long ago in those verdant eyes.  
  
There was to be no more questions . . . no more hesitations. They could no longer be afraid of each other . . . or be afraid for each other.  
  
Tsuzuki softly, but boldly pushed Hisoka's bangs out of his eyes. He leant forward and gently held Hisoka's face, and kissed his forehead. Once. Twice. And it continued, until he was kissing him deeply, mouth to mouth.  
  
Hisoka felt his face redden, as his pulse increased even more than before. His hands felt heated as his nerves continued to wrack his senses. He was so utterly immersed in these warm, if frightening, emotions that surged through his body.  
  
Tsuzuki left Hisoka's mouth, kissing the corner of those lips, and down the side of his chin. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Hisoka's neck, and trailed downward, leaving a slightly moist hint of his path as he reached the collarbone. That shirt. It was in the way.  
  
Hisoka gasped at feeling such pressure on his skin. He squirmed and flailed at such touching . . . it was weird—but somehow nice. He felt his shirt starting to inch up. He peered down at Tsuzuki and felt his head spin at seeing the lips of his desire on his stomach, and moving up.  
  
The teen felt the silkiness of Tsuzuki's hair on his stomach and between his fingers as he clutched. He heard a loud throaty moan. Had that been him? Tsuzuki looked up at Hisoka and smiled at the noise, and Hisoka felt himself blush. Couldn't he have more control? But . . . how long had he waited for this?  
  
About then, Hisoka noticed how hard and cold the kitchen floor was.  
  
"Tsuzuki."  
  
"Mm."  
  
"Tsuzuki."  
  
"Mmmmm . . . ."  
  
"TSUZUKI!!!"  
  
"Y-YES??!!"  
  
Tsuzuki had snapped up his head from its place on Hisoka's mid-torso and looked up at the teenager, scared that he had done something wrong. Hisoka knew he was probably very flushed and acting deadly serious, but he couldn't help it, given the situation. He swallowed and spoke softly. "Can't we move . . . umm . . . to somewhere else?"  
  
The older shinigami smiled warmly. "Right. This isn't exactly the best place . . . ."  
  
"W-well, I did knock you over . . . ."  
  
Tsuzuki grinned. This sweetly innocent aggression Hisoka had . . . it was very alluring. Tsuzuki stood up, and offered a helping hand. Hisoka refused it and walked towards the bedroom. Tsuzuki didn't know what to think of that for a moment. But his face broke out in a smile. Some things would never change . . . but this is what he loved about Hisoka.  
  
Even though both of them were still very flustered, especially Hisoka, the boy managed to turn around with a mock-angry look on his face, and his hands on his hips. "Don't stare at me all day!"  
  
Tsuzuki bounded forward. "Of course."  
  
Hisoka stood in the doorway. The bedroom was comfortably dark, everything in its place, and there was the bed. The bed. Hisoka gulped. He had managed to act indifferent pride just outside this door . . . but now reality really hit. How far was this going to go?  
  
But, Hisoka's thoughts of panic were interrupted when a violet-eyed shinigami tackled him from behind and pushed them forward into the bed with a thump. The teenager yelped; this time he had been caught off guard.  
  
He felt so high-strung. This was so intense. And, he couldn't direct this confusing emotion into anger like he always did. So, finally it just broke through.  
  
"H-hisoka?! Are you laughing?!"  
  
Tsuzuki rolled the teenager over and looked at him. He had never seen the boy laugh so much, even though it wasn't too overwhelming; it was more of an awkward snickering. "Are you alright?"  
  
Hisoka calmed himself down and just snickered. "I . . . this is just . . . all of this . . . ." The teen took a deep breath and swallowed. "You."  
  
IF YOU WANT TO READ THE REST, YOU MUST VISIT MY YAMI NO MATSUEI SITE (THE SWEETEST WAY TO DIE) LISTED ON MY BIO PAGE HERE ON FF.NET! THE REST CAN NOT BE POSTED BECAUSE OF ITS RATING!!! IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE FINDING IT, PLEASE EMAIL ME, AND I'LL DIRECT YOU TO IT! THANKS!!!  
  
To be continued . . .  
  
YAMI NO MATSUEI, DESCENDANT OF THE DARK, DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS, and all related ideas and characters © 1996-2004 Yoko Matushita and respective companies. 


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